Now What?

I arrived on the ‘Bridge Program’ at Eden Park and my first thought was ‘now what’?’

I knew I had an addiction, I knew I needed to do something about it and I knew that I needed God’s help to do it. But did I really want to?

I went to my first group (a twelve step discussion group) and I thought great something I know. The step they were discussing was Step 11 We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and power to carry that out. – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly.Colossians 3:16.

I joined in the discussion and soon started dominating the discussion. But something changed in me that day. For the first time I questioned “what conscious contact have I had with God”. The only discussion I had with God up until that time in my recovery experience was the prayer at the end of the A.A. 24 hours a day book Daily Devotional. Which I read as part of a process but never paid any attention to the words I was reading or meditated on what they meant or were saying to me. So that first day I made a decision to ‘give prayer and meditation a chance’.

I know now 20+  years later what had been missing from my previous attempts at recovery – RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Not God the power of my own understanding, but the God of the Bible, the Creator of my life and the One True Higher Power.

That day I began a Spiritual journey (but I didn’t even know it had begun). I through myself into the program, holding nothing back. A counselor said to me “If you want to make the best of every opportunity here do yourself a favour. see that bus out there (the program bus for transporting clients everywhere) Every time it leaves this property and you have opportunity make sure you are on it.” So I did,

I went to A.A. meetings, I went to church services, shopping, outings. Anywhere the bus went I was on it. I also started again reading ’24 hours a day ‘ but this time paying attention to what I was reading. Asking myself and I guess God “How do I apply this to my life TODAY?”

Two weeks into the program I had a ‘Spiritual Awakening’. All alone in my room I knelt by my bed and prayed for God to help me get it right. All alone at my bed side I  heard the voice of Jesus say “You do not have to live like this anymore. Follow me and I will lead you” and it terrified me. I told know one about it and I did not surrender to God at that time. But He was working in and through me and people began to see and comment on the changes.

Changes for the better! but that’s a story for another day…

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

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